I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No subtext here. People are naked.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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