If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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