if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
