I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
