apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
