he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
