He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
