im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
