3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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