In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
