I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
