I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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