sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
