You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
