My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
