my phone needs a breathalizer
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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