Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We got so high we made milksteak
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
