As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
