I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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