im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
