My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
