If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
