Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
