Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
