I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
