i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
