Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
