K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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