hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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