i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
