Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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