there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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