I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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