let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
