im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There are leaves in my underwear?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
