I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
