I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
