YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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