Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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