im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
