A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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