I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
