can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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