i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Two words: blizzard sex
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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