We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
