Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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