Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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