it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
