Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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