So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
