I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
