Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
