I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
