I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
