This is not my ceiling
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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