i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
