Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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