The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
