Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it because I queefed?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
